First Dates

In my dating day (WOW...that makes me sound old which I am not), I was a near fearless dater. Don't get me wrong. I got the jitters and everything when I went on a date. But I've learned that a lot of girls/people feel obligated to go on a second date or let the date go longer than they'd like even if they are completely not into the person. This also applies to relationships in general. I am not one of these people. I have no trouble throwing people under the bus...in the nicest way possible of course. Here's my thinking:
1. I was looking for very specific things. And I'm not talking about "great personality, great body, bla bla bla I'm so vain." I was looking for beliefs that matched my own, strong morals, and an open mind to other cultures (because let's face it...you can't date me and be closed minded to cultures...it doesn't work). If you didn't have them, I'd gladly salute you and move on. I see no need in wasting my time trying to convince myself it might work when I know it clearly isn't going to. Period.
2. I'm not going to kid myself. In the past, I made the mistake of thinking "well...so-and-so might have these qualities I'm looking for...just because they haven't mentioned it yet doesn't mean it's not there..." WRONG-0. I quickly learned this lesson by looking at myself. I realized "Would I refrain from mentioning things that were very important to me and part of who I am? Uh NO." There's no getting around it.
3. If he's not interested, he's not interested. Why should I go out of my way to convince him that I'm awesome if he hasn't already picked up on that in the first place? Sorry ladies but his loss. Have a little self respect and walk away. It's NOT worth the humiliation.
4. I've heard guys say they don't understand why girls don't just tell them they aren't interested to save them from wasting their time. In all honesty, both guys and girls are guilty of this. I personally experienced this. I remember saying to one of my previous boyfriends "I don't really feel like your girlfriend anymore. I just feel like your friend." He admitted he didn't like me like that. It made me wonder how long he'd felt this way or if he'd ever really been into me more than just a friend. FAIL. But at the same time the real fail is just the fact he wasn't honest sooner. BE HONEST. Someone isn't a jerk because they don't like you. Not everyone's going to like you. Are you a jerk if you don't like someone back? No. So stop it. I'm sick of this lose-lose situation. If you accidentally lead him on and try to let him down nicely, you're a jerk. If you're honest and tell him you're not interesting, you're a jerk. What are we supposed to do then? Kick them in the shins to get the message across? No. Because we'd still be jerks.
Right before I met my husband John, I went on two dates. One was on New Years' Eve. Which in and of itself is a HORRIBLE idea for a first date. Think about it. You want a New Years' Eve kiss but you just met this guy and who knows...he could be the man of your dreams but then again he could be a complete train wreck you don't want to touch with a ten foot pole. Let alone your lips. Ew. This particular date was for lack of a better term...retarded. We had been playing phone tag because "his phone broke" and our text messages were supposedly not going through. Riiiiight. We met online (yeah I have a history of this). First red flag: Literally every time we did make contact, he said he was working out. Why is this a red flag, you may ask? Do you really need to TELL me you're working out? I mean really seriously do you need to tell me? Do you literally have nothing else to say like I don't know um...maybe try to get to know me more or sharing more about yourself? Sigh...anyway...we finally met and he wanted to go to a movie. Second red flag. Never go to a movie on a first date. And if you must, don't let him choose the movie. Thankfully I knew enough to say "yeah over my dead body" even though he kept pressuring the point. When he literally could not think of anything else to do besides go see Aliens vs. Predator (red flad #3: zero creativity? seriously?), we went to Red Robin. Side note: this was my first experience with meeting someone in person after talking to them online where they didn't look like their pictures. He was balding (wasn't in his pictures) and kind of heavy (also wasn't in his pictures) which leads me to wonder again why he felt a need to tell me he was working out every time we talked. So we sat there...and barely said a word because we literally had nothing to talk about. I'd try to start a conversation and he would sit there and giggle and give one word answers. I found myself staring longingly at the happy couples at the other tables who were clearly having a great time and planning on sharing a New Years' Kiss later on. Thankfully I escaped LONG before midnight and he never called me again. I retreated to my friend Kina's house and proceeded to get quite drunk and got hit on by some random guy that thought I looked like Velma from Scoobydoo. "I'd scoobydoo you!"
Last red flag: he wore a velvet blazer. Forgive me for judging on clothing choice but SERIOUSLY??
My second date before John was with a really nice guy that I simply did not click with. We hit it off as friends and our morals and beliefs matched up perfectly, but there was simply no spark. We went to coffee and the Seattle Art Museum which was kind of difficult to get through as he had no appreciation for art so it was all kind of strange for him and made me feel awkward. But he still got an A for effort and creativity in thinking of something to do. By the end of the date, it was clear we were most likely not going on a second date. But in a nice way. It was just an understanding. We both had a nice time but we both just knew it wasn't going anywhere. He texted me a few times after that just to see how I was but that was the last we talked.
My first date with John was one of those dreamy moments where you're like...wow...this is so cheesy, it's cute. We'd been talking on the phone for a few weeks and he finally asked me what I was doing Friday. Truthfully, I had plans. And my first thought was to say I was free. But then I thought "You know what? He's a man...if he really wants to take me out, he'll ask again." So I told him I was going out with my coworkers for dinner and shopping which was the plan. We chatted a bit longer and then there was a pause. Then he asked "So...is that all you're doing Friday?" SCORE! I was smitten. We planned to meet at the Seattle Ferry Terminal. After a little confusion about a Red Robin down the street and me having a panicked moment where I thought he had accidentally gone to the Edmond's Ferry Terminal, he said he was walking towards the terminal. Now...clearly I've met a few guys from online. Usually, it's perfectly normal for them to not look exactly how they look in their picture (although my first date mentioned was a definite stretch of imagination) because people never look EXACTLY like their photo in real life. I was standing on the upper platform and kept thinking "okay there he is oh crap, that's him...oh man..." and then I'd get passed by and I'd sigh a sigh of relief and then the same thing would happen again with another stranger. I swear I mistook strangers for him about 4 times before he called again and said he was across the street. I made my way downstairs and waited on the corner. I finally spotted him. He was just as cute as his picture...cuter even. And I instantly got the giddy date buzz. We met shyly and then walked over to Pioneer Square to a pub called The New Orleans where they normally play jazz. This night just so happened to be bluegrass night and I tasted my first gumbo and got the worst drink I've ever had in my life. Which is not an insult to The New Orleans. They normally have good drinks. But this one was horrible. It was called a Black Eyed Susan. DON'T GET IT. The pub was loud and rowdy and I could barely hear what he was saying but as usual per John, he talked my ear off and made me laugh regardless of the noise. (and although we had talked a lot about our beliefs and morals and all the other things that are important to me over the phone, we did some more this evening as well as his commitment in the military and what that would mean if we ever got serious. Note to military boys: TALK TO HER ABOUT IT EARLY. I could never thank John enough for being open and honest about it. I would have been livid if he just said "oh by the way I have to move to NC now, tata!" one day. Not cool.)
After awhile, we left and just walked around Seattle together and I got blisters in my new shoes I had bought for the occasion (I had still gone out with the ladies before my date to make sure I looked cute). After awhile of walking/talking we headed back to Pioneer Square and found a cozy bar that was part of a hotel. There were literally three people in it including the bartender and everyone was friendly and quiet and accommodating. We sat there and talked until it was time for the last ferry to leave around 1am. I really didn't want to go home but knew I had to. Our second date was in Port Townsend which is halfway between where we both lived. We got caught in the rain, stumbled into an amazing Japanese Noodle shop and then browsed music at a music store that used to be a bank (the jazz section was kept in the vault). Our third date was in Edmonds. I was exhausted and cranky and was convinced this was our last date because I didn't have the energy to be entertaining and cute. We ate at a sort of Islander Restaurant and got really good ribs and I drank about 3 cups of coffee to wake myself up. But I still barely talked. Later we went and got more coffee at Starbucks and ended up sharing our first kiss in his car while I tried to decide if I wanted to go home on the 9pm ferry or not. I didn't obviously until a later ferry and ALMOST missed it which would have been very strange since John lived about an hour and a half to two hours away. We hung out the next day in Seattle and were pretty much "together" from that day forward. Our first date was on February 1st, we started talking about marriage in May or June, John proposed on November 8th, 2008. We got married January 17th, 2009, just a few weeks shy of our 1 year anniversary.