Thick Walls

So last night I tried out a new group...cuz Saturdays are just not good for me anymore and my old group meets on Saturdays. And...I've gotta say...I haven't felt this unwelcome anywhere in a very, VERY long time. I had to make a conscious effort to even have my very presence acknowledged and any time I made an effort to try to get to know anyone to start a conversation or join a conversation already in progress...I was met with a HUGE brick wall. When I introduced myself I was met with names ONLY. No welcomes. No hellos. No go screw yourselfs. And sometimes I wasn't even met with names. How awkward is that? "Hi my name is Rachel..." SILENCE. I would have rathered a go screw yourself and KNOW where these people were coming from than have this false mask of "oh yes join our nice group" and then once you enter the house it's like..."what are YOU doing here?" NOT a fan.
I changed rooms twice to see if I could get to where the "happenings" were and was never welcomed or greeted or even looked at. I felt like I was in a dysfunctional family therapy session. Or a ghost. I felt like I needed to poke someone to see if my hand sunk into their stomach or something. Like their house was a field of paranormal activity.
I lost count of how many times I LITERALLY almost bolted for the door. I'm not even kidding in any way. My legs tensed on the couch I was sitting because I was actually in the process of standing up and then I'd sit back down again and tell myself to sit it through all the way.
When we did an "ice breaker", the question was "what is one thing you like about yourself" which...in itself is a HORRIBLE ice breaker question...aren't we trying to reach OUTSIDE our selves to include other people? One girls' answer was that she was "really out-going, funny, and friendly" and I SO badly wanted to raise my hand and say "well...that's interesting because I thought OUT-going had to do with going OUTside your bubble and talking to OTHER people...and being friendly meant you were friendly to people other than people who were already your friends...and funny? Were you KIDDING when I introduced myself and you met me with a silent stare and when I asked your name and you gave it to me and then you turned your back to me and continued talking to your friends? Hilarrrrrious..."
So...I won't be going back to that one. I've decided I'm going to let the leaders know what I experienced just so it doesn't happen to anyone else. I'm not gunna be mean or anything...I'm going to be very courteous but frankly...I don't want that sort of experience to display what my church is like...because if that's what my church was like...I wouldn't be back there any time soon. My church is great...and I'm actually amazed any of them go there at all. I ALMOST had to ask them if they really went there or if I was at the wrong house. That would explain EVERYTHING. Like "WHO is this chick in our house?" Maybe it WAS a dysfunctional family therapy session.