3x5

I just read a bio that went a little something like this:
I have a degree in engineering but am now a full-time fashion designer and work exclusively from Etsy.
WHY the heck can't I do something like that?? Minus the engineering of course. But it definitely proves my point. Sometimes it takes time/energy/$ to really figure out WHAT you want to do. I used to think it would be awesome if God handed me a 3x5 card with my life plan on it. But honestly (and as much as I hate admitting this when I'm frustrated), where is the fun in that? There's no mystery, no discovery. Which is exactly why God is not a fan of 3x5 cards. A little hint once in awhile would be nice though...I mean...I know he does direct us but sometimes I wish I got one that was really, really unmistakably obvious like a giant billboard saying "Hey Rachel, you should seriously go into engineering. You'd be awesome at it even though you'd NEVER think of it. I know, right?" There are actual billboards around here that say things like "Looking for a sign? Tell her you love her." or "Looking for a sign? Call your parents." I have NO idea what they are advertising other than sustaining relationships but I like them. And I think that's the first sentence I've ever used the word "sustaining" in. Sustaining. Weird.
In all honesty, I still haven't a clue what to even aim for when it comes to my associates. NO idea. I keep saying art but then I think about it and wonder...is that truly for me? I mean, I know I'm artsy and all but really? Because I'd prefer to get an associates that I can push along into a 4 year degree. And if I don't want a BA degree in art, then...what? The truth is there are times when I feel like I don't know a lot about anything. My knowledge is...experience. And contemplation. Not necessarily facts and numbers. I lived in China for 14 years. My husband who has never set foot there could tell you more about their government, trade practices, etc. etc. etc. than I could. But I KNOW China. It's somehow a part of me even if I haven't been back in forever.
Do you ever stop and feel like "this is a scene in a movie!"? I just had that.
I'm going to go contemplate life...and dinner.