Free

For whatever reason, we all think about our past. Our ex's, our mistakes, as foggy, misty or unremembered as it all may be. I ran across this song today after a long absence. I've always liked the Carpenters. For a variety of reasons. The main one being they're HUGE in Asia (still) and also because Karen has a lower voice like I do. I entertained my mom countless times imitating Karen Carpenter. When I first heard this song I was either completely out of or on my way out of a very bad relationship, the worst I've had. And as cheesy as some of the lyrics are, it kind of reminded me that I wasn't being loved for who I was and I was changing who I was for another person. And that's not okay. There's a natural change that happens when you're with someone. But a forced change that goes against your nature? Never okay. Here is the chorus:
You've got to love me For what I am For simply being me Don't love me For what you intend Or hope that I will be And if you're only using me To feed your fantasy You're really not in love So let me go I must be free.
When I heard this song, it just stuck with me. And I was surprised and ashamed to look at how much I HAD changed myself for this person. I wasn't drawing at all anymore (very unlike me) and had stopped doing all the things I loved. I never thought I'd get to that point but I did. So this song definitely has a bittersweet quality for me. But it also reminds me of where I was and how far I've come. God has truly carried me far from that point in my life.