Not Real Sharp

So John and I originally planned to have a sword arch at our wedding. It seemed impossible as we continued to plan because it became such a small wedding. But at the last minute it looked like it was going to happen. Unfortunately at the SECOND to last minute, our 4th Marine couldn't make it to the wedding. And sword arches don't work unless there's at least 4 people...or so John says. I'd say that's the only thing I WISH we could have had at our wedding. Other than that, it was perfect.
However...there's a time when tradition is taken too far and this is one of those areas. When I went to my first Military wedding, John was in the sword arch. Before hand, all the guys were discussing the "rules" which are (apparently) as follows: If you make her bruise, everyone buys you a drink. If you make her bleed, everyone buys you a meal. For those of you who don't know the tradition, the last man in the sword arch swats the bride on the butt with his sword as the couple passes through. Messed up? Yeah I thought so too. How about "If you make her bleed, she'll chop off your balls with the sword you just cut her ass with?" I like that one (anger management issues? Nahhh...). Anyway...after I heard that, I decided if any Marine thought he was going to bruise me let alone make me bleed, I would be prepared. My plan was simple: wear a metal sheet under my dress. NO JOKE. When the sword swung, I'd give a nice satisfying "clang" in response. As we never had a sword arch, my plans never had to come to completion.
A friend of John's got engaged to his girlfriend the same weekend we got engaged. Their wedding was last week. And this is exactly what I'm talking about when I say sometimes tradition goes too far. Sure it's all in fun. Sure it's all tradition...but when 1. the groom's hand gets cut 2. the wedding dress gets ripped and, the crowning glory, 3. the sword gets BROKEN over the brides ass...you know you've gone too far. Now if that isn't a nomination for douche of the year, I don't know what is. Not real sharp, this one is.
The above picture is the moment of reaction. Maybe I'm glad we didn't have a sword arch. It's definitely a story to tell their kids...