Video Killed the Radio Star

Since meeting my friend Monique and hanging out, we have noticed something: the radio NEVER plays good music when we are in the car together. NEVER. EVER NEVER. It all started to dawn on us the night we went to the Coldplay concert. On the way home, we were both very tired and delirious (super late and sleep deprived and a two hour drive...put that all together and you get delirious) and Monique was trying to find something "good" on the radio. Well there wasn't anything. But not just then. The ENTIRE two hour drive there was NOTHING good on the radio. Over 70% was music I had never even heard before (you can read about that adventure here) and never wanted to hear again. Most of it was wanna-be rap on top of crappy beats that I probably could have made on my computer in 7th grade. IN CHINA. So yeah...it was pretty bad. Since then it has only gotten worse. We've coined 'our song' as 'I've Got A Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas. Because it comes on. Every. Single. Time. We. Drive. Any. Where. It's really sad. And annoying. I really used to like the Black Eyed Peas but not so much anymore. Especially with their new music. It's like they've run into some creative wall but they still have to fulfill their contract of so many 4 minute songs:
"Okay, ya'll we gotta fit this new song into 4 minutes."
"4? You gotta be kidding me! There's no way man. We've only got like....one...two....four lines! You really think we can make 4 lines last 4 minutes? I've got nothing left!"
And that's how 'I've Got A Feeling' must have come about. And then there's 'Meet Me Halfway'...you know...the song where Fergie sounds like she's slowly morphing into Aqua while singing completely off tune. I mean come on. At least Aqua was IN TUNE. And, ehem, AWESOME.
"Okay this is tight, this is tight. And it's finished!"
"...what are you talking about it's finished? It's only 2 minutes long. This has to be one of our 5 minute songs."
"For realz? That's harsh. Hey I gots an idea, yo. Let's repeat the last word of every line over and over. No one will know the difference, it'll fill the time, and it's really trendy to repeat. You know...like how Lady Gaga stutters when she sings? (P-p-p-poker face, c-c-c-crazy, c-c-coming out, etc.) "
"Yeah yeah! That's it! Perfect! OH! That totally gives me an idea for a new song! We can just sing about sound effects the whole time!"
"That's awesome! How about...'Biff Bam'....no...'Pow Boom'..."
"Oh oh! 'Boom Boom Pow!'"
"YES!!! GENIUS Fergie."
"YEAH YEAH! And then I can walk around in my underwear in the video!"
"...are you kidding me? HELL NO. You're already in your underwear in the 'I've Got A Feeling' video."
"I am? Oh yeah. I've lost track of how many videos I'm scantily dressed in. Woops."
You get the picture. And I've totally probably over-done it...but you understand now! Or at least you should. Because I think I've been pretty clear.
Another favorite car-ride song that Monique and I are haunted by is the 'FireFly' song. I'm not even sure if that's what it's called but it's pretty much just an acid trip with electro background music. It's all like "I'm hugging a billion fireflies and wow the earth spins super slow and I have a sock under my bed...duuuuude." Hahahaa...man...yeah that one is by far my favorite...it's just too trippy.
The craziest thing about all these songs...is they come on twice as much when we're together than they already normally do. Which...is...A LOT.
So...for future reference....don't go on any road trips with us. It WILL be painful. Unless of course we are in Monique's car. And then it might still be painful for you because of all the AWESOME Spicegirls beats we'll be laying down. Awesome for us, painful for you.
And don't even get me started on Taylor Swift's 'You Belong With Me' (although it's not bugging me as much as it used to...ever since Kanye was an ASS I have liked Taylor for being classy), Jessie Jame's whatever-it's-called-slut-song, and that OH-SO-FRIGGIN-ANNOYING 'I'm so addicted to the things you do' song by who I have no idea. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...