Another! Another!
Some things I spoke about previously (click here) have come to pass. I think it's safe to say I have become friends with a former instructor. But I can't shake the feeling I'm walking on eggshells (wow...I just had trouble spelling "feeling"...either I'm very tired...or pregnancy brain has done its dirty work...). And it's entirely self-induced. But! I'm stoked that we actually made some progress and are acting more like friends than teacher/student and having normal-ish conversations and all that jazz. Now, if I could just let loose and be myself (just ONE stiff drink would be so helpful right about now...but OH NO!), I'd probably get over it. But left to my own devices, it'll take a bit more time. However...I'm TRYING to be normal.
How the HECK do you do that??
Now...let it be thoroughly understood that I'm not really an awkward friend. I'm not that awkward friend that hovers in the corner...being awkward. No, really. I promise I'm not. I am just slightly awkward now because 1. I highly respect this person and 2. I'm younger. And the age thing can sometimes be a factor for other people. I, personally, don't give a rat's ass about age (and yet I'm letting it dictate what I think she thinks of me...hmm...thoughts...). I generally have better conversations with 50-something-year-olds than with people "my age." And "my age" is really relative, isn't it? Are we talking years or behavior? Maturity or experiences? Errrr...the list goes on. My point is...I guess I don't want to give my former teacher friend (I need to stop calling her that) any reason to think I'm A. really young and immature, B. intimidated (tooo lateeeee), or C. weird. So...judging from those options, I guess this is a lost cause! Haha...no...I kid, I kid.
I'm actually pretty awesome, a very loyal friend, and generally a fun person to hangout with. And I realized today I LACK that right there: a chance to hangout. I don't have people that come to my house to just "hangout." I really don't. I'm not sure what happened.
Oh yeah. We're hermits. That's would do it!
But in all seriousness...it's more of a comfort and trust thing. I haven't really gotten to that point in a friendship with anyone here where it's normal to hangout at my house and it's comfortable. I MISS that; good grief, I miss that so much. When old friends come to visit, it's so natural. But people here? I just haven't gotten to that point. I guess I've had some bad experiences.
...
The more I read this post and the more I write, the more I sound somewhat pathetic. 11:15pm will do that to a gal. So goodnight.
Photo: Star Wars found via Brendan Cole
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