All is fair in love and war.

Stress. It's an old friend that always turns up when boarding with family. When I hear and ponder the quote I used for the title, I realize it's quite the opposite most of the time. Love and war are rarely fair. And I hate to say it but I find the ones you think you should be able to count on are the ones to turn and stab you in the back. Not all, mind you. But...some surprising ones.
I look back on the past year. It's almost the New Year and I look back and see both a great and struggle of a year. On one hand, I've grown SO much this year. I've learned things about myself that I didn't have any idea were there and a lot has changed in me for the better. It's been a challenge but a good one. Then on the other hand, I see this emptiness. This shell...this gauntness. A lingering cloud from a few moments of substantial hurt; why doesn't it just float away? I feel like this year has been a dead one spiritually. And I've hated that and resented that about myself. I am realizing and admitting that some things cannot be overcome without help. And I think I need that help. I didn't see myself entering 2011 with this sober understanding of myself...but I know it must be for the better. I'm too exhausted of how it's been before. I must push past this. And I know it's not going to happen by itself.
So here's hoping for big changes in the New Year (as always) and resolution. Even if the only things resolved are inside me.

Photo: Koren Shadmi found via Nymag.com