Wings

This is the third night in a row I've stayed up past 11pm. It's kind of nice...and kind of a sign of what is ahead for the next week of finals I think.
This year's end is something I'm looking forward to. Not because I had a bad year. On the contrary, I had a wonderful year. I think I learned more about myself this year than I have in the past 3 combined. But I'm looking forward to my little yellow book. Since I can't remember what year, I've kept a little yellow book of New Year Resolutions. Every January 1st, I sit down with my book and read what I wrote the year before and then I write comments in a different color ink on whether I improved in those areas or accomplished whatever goal it was. Some people don't like resolutions because a lot of the time they become lofty wishes that are never kept: lose 70 pounds, find prince charming, get rich and famous, buy a dolphin, etc. etc. I can understand that. But I don't really get that lofty. It's always exciting for me to see how I did and see what I can think of to work toward the coming year.
I've truly changed this year. For the better. I've grown so much and have faced some harsh realities and have come out unscathed. I've also had some rough days this year. But I'm still here and I haven't cracked yet. ;) But I think the thing I want to document today and this year is...the freedom I feel. The weight off my shoulders of realizing and addressing my fear of failure and the excuses I've lived under for so long. They are no more. There will be no more excuses. Here I am...changing and growing. It's an awesome feeling and a great thing to see visibly as well.
I made a dramatic change in quitting my job and going back to school.
I lost 15 pounds and went down a pant size and I did it without some extreme workout routine or diet from hell.
I have a conceivable direction to pursue academically...even if it scares the crap outta me.
I'm part way through my second deployment and I feel perfectly fine.
If that's not change embodied in a few sentences, I don't know what is.
What will next year hold for me?

Photo: Kohl Threlkeld found via Kohl Threlkeld