Oh Husband, Where Art Thou?

I think a common misconception of every military spouse is that when their military member returns home from deployment, everything will be skipping through wildflower fields and WEEKS of free-time at the beach...in other words...extremely unrealistic ideas of how life is going to be with them home. I'm sure some spouses have it better than others and vise versa. At present I'm feeling sorry for myself, having realized I and my fellow Prowler Squadron sisters have been screwed over. You get to this point where you realize (or at least this happened for me)...your husband was probably a lot less stressed out while he was deployed. I'll just give you a moment for that to sink in. Okay then. Yeah...pretty sad, huh? But the demands and stress that is piled up on them to prep for the NEXT deployment while they are "home" is ridiculous. And the fact that our squadron is getting screwed over because the squadron that was SUPPOSED to deploy next "isn't ready" doesn't help the situation. There are days when I feel like he's already gone...when I find myself wondering what to do for dinner at 8pm and there's still no sign of him. I realized/admitted to myself yesterday that I simply cannot wait for him every day of the week. Because then I will waste 4+ hours of my day getting nothing done and feeling sad. Not okay.
It's moments like this that remind me WHY I cannot base my entire life on this. I can't. It's not healthy. I can only lean on the foundation that I know can hold all my stress, pressure, pain, and joy. God is the only thing that will get me through this. And maybe someday it will be smooth sailing with wildflower fields and WEEKS at the beach. Heck...months. And too many times I find myself ignoring God for more time with my husband. Which in itself is incredibly ironic and stupid.
This post is not angry or bitter. It's just something I need to say and admit to myself and cope with. I cannot have unrealistic expectations when I know full well they ARE unrealistic and purely fictional. I need to get on with my life and enjoy the time I DO have with him. But not base every waking moment on how long it will be until I see him. Although I can't help but think about him every waking moment. I think starting school is the best thing I can do for myself right now and for us. Something to occupy my time that's productive.
That's all I have.

Photo: Unknown found via Adem Albayrak