Fight or Flight...or Bite

I hate anything medical. This is not a mystery to most people that know me.
I finally built up the courage to schedule my first doctor's appointment since moving here. Let me lay down the facts for you real quick:
1. My last thorough blood test occurred at least 8 years ago. That was probably when my last thorough check-up was as well. I say probably because I'm honestly not sure. Which is bad. But it is what it is. Sorry John. I'm sure this all will worry you. But I swear I'm healthy as a horse.
2. My last 'attempted' bloodtest was last year around this time. The woman couldn't find my vein. Which is ridiculous since I have amazing veins. As much as I hate to admit it, almost every doctor I've ever had has commented on how awesome my veins are for drawing blood. She stabbed me four times (not even CLOSE to my OBVIOUS veins) leaving me looking like a heroine addict and never got a drop of blood. How does that even work? I don't know. I had one bloodtest before that and she was by far the most excellent blood-taker I've ever had but it was specifically dermatologist. Not thorough.
3. Fact: I am not a fan of needles. In my veins specifically. I'm not a fan of other needles but I can handle them. Tattoos do not bother me in the least. I don't know why. Everyone says "It's the same thing!" but it is SO not the same thing. One is extracting blood from my body by the gruesome means of stabbing my arteries. The other is sewing-machine stabbing a few layers of my skin with ink. I guess it should bother me a little. But it doesn't. I think it's the veins. Don't mess with my veins.
4. Fact: I have never had a bloodtest sitting up. And I am 99% sure that I WILL pass out if that occurs. It's not that I'm like having a panic attack or anything. My body and mind just work very independently. I can get myself as chill as can be in my head, but my body remains freaked out and there's nothing I can really do about that. I have had nurses argue with me that I will be fine. That's fine. As long as they don't mind scooping me up off the floor when they're finished. I know my body. I know what works and what doesn't. Trust me. It's their wasted time trying to revive me, not mine. If they don't care, then whatever. But it will happen. And when I come to, I will tell them "I told you so."
5. Did I mention I hate anything medical? It is difficult for me NOT to go into fight or flight (or faint) mode when it comes to going to the doctor for anything involving needles. When I was 4, we had to get a series of hepatitis A shots in the rear whenever we went to Hongkong. I remember 2 nurses, my mother and a doctor pinning me down for that one and I somehow reached around and grabbed the syringe out of my ass. What can I say...fear and adrenaline are powerful things.
As I said, I finally went to schedule my long-overdue check up. And I was met with something entirely horrible. The woman at the doctor's office was a complete B*tch and bit my head off several times (after mumbling an unrecognizable clinic name) before telling me my assigned doctor was not taking new patients. Now...I was assigned to this doctor through my lovely (sarcasm) military insurance. Which means...I must go through them and have them reassign me before I can do anything. Joy. Furthermore, I could not seem to find the stupid phone number. I should have known it would be something like 1-800-Tricare but I wasn't positive and I like to be positive. Don't you? I scowered their retarded website (quite possible the second most retarded website I've ever run across...) for a phone number and never found anything. I finally found it today on my second try. I had to call two places before they could help me. The second provided me with two doctor's names and said I needed to call THEM to make sure they were accepting patients unlike my last experience. The first one informed me they were taking patients but they weren't taking my insurance. Great. The second was thankfully (so so thankfully) incredibly friendly and the woman on the phone called me 'Sweetheart' and 'Miss Rachel.' I should find out tomorrow if I am accepted.
The thing that makes this just a tad bit more weird and not cool is...I may have to use this doctor as my feminine exam doctor. And it's a guy. And I am not a fan of that idea. At all. And I've heard rumors about an inappropriate doctor who does feminine exams in this area. And I swear on all that is pure and terrifying that I will knee him in the face if he turns out to be that doctor.
Okay. Enough freaking out for one day. Feisty, eh?