Old Words

I am writing again. Not just blogs...but really writing. I want to write a novel. I have for...welllll...a very, very long time. I've been so inspired by books lately that I just can't take it anymore. I have to at least try.
Last night I scrounged about in one of my old harddrives that still contains old writings from highschool and before. I found some old stories I had started. One I stayed with for quite a while. A total of 65 pages which...for me...is a LOT. I am a perfectionist so I'm very good at starting an idea. But going through and actually continuing is SO hard for me. As soon as I do, I find something I don't like and don't want to continue. It's a flaw, I know. But all it is is fear. I know that and I see that now. I'm tired of fear. I want to DO things. I want to CREATE things. I can't let fear stop me anymore.
I went through my 65 paged story to see if it was salvageable. There are some interesting ideas but a LOT has to be scrapped. Heh. I also found a short story I wrote for school that I LOVED doing and I still loved it after rereading it last night. Very clever and interesting. It needs some work but I can see something in it. Promise.
And finally I started something new. As I continued to write, it's like a dim pathway showed itself to me. I still have NO idea what the story will be about. I just have one main event I'm working on. But in the process, a side story or back story presented itself. And that was encouraging. Seeing the story slowly unfold before me. I just know I need to keep at it.
Writing is a creative outlet that...in ways...other creative outlets cannot compete with. I don't really know how to explain that. I get just as frustrated writing as I do with art. But with writing...I think I'm less likely to give up (depending on what it is) than with art. I used to write a lot of poetry and lyrics. I used to fill my entire church program with lyrics EVERY Sunday. EVERY. SINGLE. SUNDAY. For all of highschool. I still have most of them. That's a lot of writing. And it was effortless. I think that's the reason I enjoy my blog so much. It's not an assignment. It's MINE. No one is there to edit my thoughts and ideas but me. And the longer it gets, the longer I continue blogging, the happier I am. I love looking back and thinking "I've been bloggin for almost two years." There's just something comforting about it. Like...a confirmation that I'm accomplished something. Even if it's just a blog. It makes me happy.