Summer Days

It's early. I've been trying to get up with John (which I usually do when I'm not in school) but he kept letting me sleep in this week. I finally woke up when he got up and got myself out of bed so we could have breakfast together. There's something peaceful about waking up before any signs of life are visible outside.

I've been in this rut lately. I don't want to clean. I think my reasoning hovers mainly over the "but I'm on summer break!" department. Which is true to a point. But that doesn't mean I can escape from chores. I also reason "do I always have to do ALL the cleaning?" but again John does work and I don't and I'm not in school right now. So technically, it all falls on me. Of course, it all falls on me anyway. Who are we kidding.

I've been trying to get stuff done before school starts. I'm determined to do some major deep cleaning before school starts (since it's what I've mainly been putting off) but I have made a lot of progress in the clutter and just general tidying up department. Which makes me happy. I hate clutter. And we have SO much of it.

I painted the guestroom. Did I mention that? It was a complete spur-of-the-moment thing and suddenly the room was bright green. And I LOVE it. I've also been finishing up projects...which has consisted primarily of framing things I've been meaning to frame for several decades. Some are for the guestroom. Some are just throughout the house. Now if I could just hang them...hmm...

The summer is nearing an end and school is looming. I'm trying not to let it daunt me. After all, I'm taking nothing but fun classes. It's just that those fun classes happen to take a lot of outside-of-class time and I'm taking 5 of them. So...it's going to be a very busy semester.

I finally went to the chiropractor. It was one of the more bizarre experiences of my life (wait...no...that's right...I've had much more bizarre things happen) but at the same time it didn't really bother me since I knew it was the one place that would take my back/hip/whatever pain seriously (unlike my regular doctor whom I love dearly but who was not cutting it just telling me to "do windmills"). The doctor found the issue right away (praise GOD!!) and I have two more appointments for next week. My lower back is sore from having fingers jabbed into it but it also feels looser. Which is a huge, huge improvement. It's amazing how just one visit showed results. I walked out of there feeling a full inch taller...which I'm sure was just confidence knowing that something was being DONE about my back, but still...

I sang in choir at church last Sunday for the first time. It made me miss being involved in leading worship and love that I was back in it all at the same time. I've felt SO welcomed into the choir and have enjoyed my very short time there so much. I look forward to a long involvement. This choir and worship pastor are powerful and God is really using them to do amazing things. I'm so humbled to be involved.

I went to counseling yesterday and cried about something in my past for the last time. It was a good cry...a relieving cry...a cry that was more of a last breath than anything else. It was the death of a memory and the bittersweet happiness in being able to let go of it; the thankfulness of release. It's been a long road. I've seen myself go from forgiving to hating back to forgiving in the span of it. And I look at myself and my life now and realize that no matter how much I'd like to change certain things, I'm thankful for where I am, where I've come from, and how much ground I've traveled. And I'm not talking about literal travel but emotional travel. I look at John and I know that I am the luckiest person alive, that he's much more than I deserve. And I'm so thankful for him.