Evil Shoes of Doom

My shoes are evil, I've decided. I'm not sure what it is...if it's the leather (doubtful), the shape (possible), the tightness when I have my inserts in them (probable), or the fact that Converse and I are NOT friends, never have been, and most likely NEVER will be in the future...in this life or the next. I'm very sad because these are CUTE shoes...and I needed shoes. And I hate wasting money. And I threw out all my other sneakers and skater shoes besides my running shoes cuz they were all falling apart. But frankly...never-ending shin splints, back pain, raw heels and just LOTS of unnecessary PAIN is not my idea of quality footwear. I've worn them long enough for them to prove themselves...and well...they HAVEN'T. Soooo...the moral of the story is...
DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THESE SHOES:
They are sabotaging my LIFE. I will NOT let them triumph. You shouldn't either.