Excel
We went to Chapel Hill yesterday. It was a full day and an emotional day but a good one. We got to eat Indian food and enjoy a comic book shop where I bought a book after perusing their shelves for at least half an hour only to find we hadn't even seen all of the store. Then we got to see my drawing on display at the NC Community College System Office for the 2012 NC Community Colleges Art Exhibition. It was exciting seeing my work on display. For the first time. Ever. And in my first exhibition, too. I took pictures and felt a little silly but it was a good moment. I also felt very humbled as the lady who gave us a tour of the art also told us about an event I'll be attending in a few weeks for an award I won through school. I can't remember if I mentioned it before on this blog but I was nominated for an Excellence Award through my school and I was chosen. The lady yesterday was saying that those who got the awards and who would be attending this ceremony were the best of the best in this state. And that was very humbling to hear. I had never thought of it that way, nor would I ever really come up with that conclusion myself; I was just nominated by my instructors. But it definitely made my day hearing that and feeling proud of what's been bestowed to me. God has really blessed me here. I didn't really expect to EXCEL at this school. But that's exactly what has happened and none of it is due to me. I feel like he has brought out things in me I never knew I had and has given me opportunities I thought were out of reach. It makes me look to the future and when I'm met with my normal dose of doubt, I have a new wave of resilience that reminds me...I did it once. I can keep going and do it again. And I'm not even sure what that "it" is. Maybe it's just one of those blanket statements where you enter in whatever applies in that space. I have been so paralyzed by fear in the past. Now I can believe and know that I've moved past it before and I will again.
So it was a good day. It made me think. It brought me home inspired. For the first time probably all semester, I actually wanted to paint something. Like...for myself. Something of my own devising. I haven't had that urge all semester mostly because I've been too busy with other school work and required painting and creating. But this is what has happened recently and I keep forgetting to write about it. So here it goes:
I feel like I have moved to the next level of evolution as an artist. I came to the realization during my last painting in class that...I was capable of painting well. I was capable of capturing the painting as it was designed on paper in my plan. But the difference was...I wanted more. I was ready to do something else, move on and do more to it and truly make it my own. I definitely haven't figured out exactly what that means yet. I don't really have my footing as a painter quite yet but I feel like having that realization was both profound and good for further growth. It made me realize that I AM growing (something I often doubt creatively) and changing and I just have to keep fear or frustration from preventing me from moving forward.
After buying my book at the comic book store, I had an urge to paint on wood. I've never done anything on wood before. So I think I'm ready to try. The big debate is whether to do it in class (as I'm required to do one more painting before the end of the semester) or whether to save that for my own time. Hm. We shall see about that.
Well...I'm still recovering from my exhaustion from yesterday. I think a lunch/nap is in order. And I think baby agrees. So if you don't mind...
Photo: Tara McPherson found via Tara McPherson
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