Treppenwitz

Dear Diary...it has been almost a year since my last confession.
In truth, I have thought of you often. Like art, writing is something that pulses through me and screams to come out. But excuses and my busy and somewhat chaotic life prevent me from doing much of what I'd like to do all the time or I just don't remember to do it. Baby/Mommy brain are real things that leave me endlessly fascinated and frustrated.
So here I am. I realized the other day after my final and still unsuccessful attempt to renew my url for this blog that I might lose it all together. And that thought made me sad. We've been through a lot, this blog and I. And although it hasn't always been the forefront of my thoughts and feelings, it does contain some of the deepest confessions of my heart.
So...I will try again, I hope.
I am facing my fourth and hopefully final deployment. I can say that here because, well, I'm sure by now I've lost the few readers I had. So I can be frank and honest and truthful about things that normally I might need to keep to myself. Because no one is looking to find them here. And those who do find them won't know enough to use them against me. (Yet, I'm also not stupid...so nobody panic...)
To survive a deployment (which should be several posts in themselves that I get the vague feeling I've already written...but as I said, I don't remember much), you must stay busy in all areas of life. Not just the day-in day-out but intentional busyness that allows you to look forward to things you plan to do. It also helps to make time out of that busyness to do things that keep you mentally alive. For me, that's spiritual time with God, art (almost any form of creating), and writing. So...the simplest answer seems to be this blog.
1. I have my phone on me most of the time and although I prefer to put a lot more of intention into my posts, I've found that that good intention leads me to not post at all. I want them all to be clever or passionate with a photo or two to match, all in the same format, etc. etc. So...I need to let go of those ideals. And simply write.
2. I have a lot to say. And I am afraid if I don't capture it, it will go away and I'll lose it completely. Having a second baby has taught me that no matter how much you are convinced you won't forget the details, you just might. That is where writing it is SO important.
3. I need a quick outlet. This is quick. This is an outlet. Then I have more time in my fleeting free time to paint which is always on my mind. More on that later.
So here we are. And I feel better already.
I have much to share, old friend. But as always...it will have to wait for another post.
Until then...
-RW-