With a babe that has decided naps are evil and a deployment that is settling in with the endearment of a sinus infection, a surprise package full of goodies from John was a welcome relief. Especially during a silent period where I can't talk to him. It was a nice moment, reminding me I'm still in his thoughts. He sent a beautiful ceramic cross for Penelope from Spain, soaps, body butter, an espresso cup and saucer, coffee flavors (because it is acceptable to add flavors to coffee and not flavor coffee beans...the Europeans know this), spices, tea, and a book on Cyprus. I love getting treasures, especially unexpected ones. P loved her cross (if you spy carefully in the photo below, you can see some grabby little fingers outstretched).
It's been a week. Yes. A week. I had a realization Wednesday that just might change my life. But for now...I will keep it to myself and remain silent. Just send prayers our way. There is much to think about, pray about, consider.
Miss P will be one year old in 9 days. Crazy, crazy talk. She is getting more mobile every day but STILL not quite crawling. She is getting better at saying words on command and we're working on some new ones and possibly putting words together, like "Hi Daddy." Not there yet but still working. She is eager to try. ALWAYS. She now will say, "Hiiiii" while waving slowly, will rattle off "uhohuhohuhohUHohUHoh" while playing and "Daddy" is almost a daily word that pops up without prompt and is always accompanied with a smile and a slightly wistful voice. I'm not making this up.
She decided she would not nap. Unless in a car, in motion in a stroller, or in someone's arms. This made life challenging because her nap time is when I try to get things I can't get done while she's awake done. After a LONG battle yesterday, she finally slept. Today, she went down without a peep and happily spelt THREE LONG HOURS. Both days I prayed she would sleep. She woke up a completely different baby than the previous week; smiling, chatting with her seahorse quietly until I came in to greet her. I think she was playing a much-needed catch-up.
This evening, bed time was a bit of a struggle. After a bit of crying, I went in and did something I haven't done since she was VERY tiny: I laid her on my chest and rocked her. Now, I rock her nightly but usually she's nursing. This time I just laid her head on my shoulder, held her, and rocked. It was one of those moments of being a mom where even if asked on my darkest, most frustrating days if I would give up motherhood for some relief...I'd think of this moment and respond with NEVER. It was a moment out of a movie or a story book. She relaxed in my arms, head on my shoulder, and every once in awhile she would hum. She wasn't asleep. Just very content. After awhile she would sort of "sing" to herself softly and her little fingers fiddled gently (a rarity...she is a ROUGH handler...something we are working on) with my shirt collar. It all sounds so simple, so unglamorous and nothing special. But it was magic. It was the very definition of RELEASE and SPECIAL and LOVE. I sat there longer than I needed to just to drink every millisecond in, to memorize every moment so I wouldn't, I COULDN'T forget it. My heart was full to bursting. It still is. I understand why moms find watching your baby grow up hard because they change forever. But the exciting part is moments like that...moments where your child no longer needs you for constant nourishment but simply needs you...YOU. Just to be there. It's moments where your child shows you what you mean to them and it's a choice, not the dependency of an infant (which has its own WONDERFUL endearment and joy) but the choice of a thinking individual. LOVE. At its simplest. I know I'm going on and on about something very small...but to me it was huge. And I will remember it forever and probably miss it dearly when she gets too big to fit on my lap.
Sigh...
Goodnight...my heart.
P.S. Can you see John in that face? Oh my goodness, I can.
Photos: Meself
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