Auto-pilot

I am on auto-pilot today. I'm feeling very out of it. Very OFF. And I'm not sure why. It began Friday night. It mostly left me alone yesterday and then returned this morning. The only similarity I can think of between Friday and today is both nights brought on disturbing dreams. Hm. I almost feel sick. Like the flu is coming on. Or maybe I just need rest. Or maybe I'm going into labor (she thought hopefully to herself). It's been a weird one.
I'm on my second cup of tea. We've been very into biscottis lately. They just make a cup of coffee or tea complete.
Yesterday was our cleaning day. By "our," I mean John. He literally did 99% of the cleaning and left the livingroom looking beautiful and crisp. Sure, there's still clutter here and there but having a freshly vacuumed house is such a good feeling. I worked on school projects while he cleaned and we were both in a lovely mood. It was just a great day. I have a husband who has never had a problem with helping me with housework, chores, and who really loves to cook. I will always be grateful for this. ALWAYS.
 I've found myself turmoiled over things I can't control (go figure) and mostly involving how life will be once baby arrives. It's strange to think about, to really think hard about how our entire lives will be changed by her arrival. It's easy to pretend things will stay the same and be easy to adjust to. But the wiser, deeper part of myself knows this is silly thinking and there will be great and many changes...and it will be hard. But it will also be wonderful. Honestly, I cannot wait to meet her. And I fall into thinking she should just come NOW. But I know she will come when she is ready. Her kicks are steadily growing into rapid series of gallops and what feels like dance routines. She is an active one, always ready to show off for her daddy but not always for others. I wonder if that's how she'll be once she's born...
So, yes, I do have turmoil. But it's also excitement. And when God gently reminds me where I'm placing my trust, I have to again turn it over to Him where it belongs. I'm so quick to worry! Silly.
I'm off to finish my tea and maybe lie down for a bit. Shake off, off-feeling.

Photo: Leah Piken Kolidas found via Creative Everyday