Bleak
Life has been bleak.
But the clouds are breaking and I think I see blue skies ahead.
A lot of things all hit at once right when I got back from Penland and I found myself in a very low, deep, bleak place. It was like a daily visitation. It could start perfect and then by some point in the day I'd feel this heaviness on my shoulders. And it wasn't a heaviness you could just shake off and replace with a smile. It hooked deeply. I am very thankful for my parents' patience and care and love during this time and the few that knew about it. I feel I can breathe again today. And I am glad.
P was a jewel the entire time and was a constant joy even amid the dark moments. One of the causes, I believe, was weaning her from breastfeeding. And after researching, I found myself discouraged because not much was said about depression related to weaning. Everything was about post-partum right after giving birth. A few mommy bloggers out there shared their very real experiences and were very open and honest, which I truly appreciated; I needed to know I wasn't going crazy. But I had several things on top of that so it was very overwhelming. I felt God grip me the past few days and I'm steady on my feet once more.
I heard the song "Farther Along" by Josh Garrells as I was leaving church yesterday and it really struck me. I heard a guy singing it behind me as we walked out and I asked him who it was. He was happy to share and we smiled at each other later as if I was silently thanking him again and he silently knew I'd check out Josh Garrells online. Haha. I really want to make more friends at church.
I know things have been sporadic and weird. But right now is a sporadic and weird time in my life. I am so thankful to have such a ball of sunshine as a daughter to brighten my days. Even in my lowest moments of missing John and hating the military she will do something that will make me forget whatever it was that was bothering me and I can't help but laugh out loud. Those are moments worth remembering.
But the clouds are breaking and I think I see blue skies ahead.
A lot of things all hit at once right when I got back from Penland and I found myself in a very low, deep, bleak place. It was like a daily visitation. It could start perfect and then by some point in the day I'd feel this heaviness on my shoulders. And it wasn't a heaviness you could just shake off and replace with a smile. It hooked deeply. I am very thankful for my parents' patience and care and love during this time and the few that knew about it. I feel I can breathe again today. And I am glad.
P was a jewel the entire time and was a constant joy even amid the dark moments. One of the causes, I believe, was weaning her from breastfeeding. And after researching, I found myself discouraged because not much was said about depression related to weaning. Everything was about post-partum right after giving birth. A few mommy bloggers out there shared their very real experiences and were very open and honest, which I truly appreciated; I needed to know I wasn't going crazy. But I had several things on top of that so it was very overwhelming. I felt God grip me the past few days and I'm steady on my feet once more.
I heard the song "Farther Along" by Josh Garrells as I was leaving church yesterday and it really struck me. I heard a guy singing it behind me as we walked out and I asked him who it was. He was happy to share and we smiled at each other later as if I was silently thanking him again and he silently knew I'd check out Josh Garrells online. Haha. I really want to make more friends at church.
I know things have been sporadic and weird. But right now is a sporadic and weird time in my life. I am so thankful to have such a ball of sunshine as a daughter to brighten my days. Even in my lowest moments of missing John and hating the military she will do something that will make me forget whatever it was that was bothering me and I can't help but laugh out loud. Those are moments worth remembering.
Comments
Here's to brighter days, and they will get brighter!!! Love you.