Bygones

It's almost Christmas. 

It's been a long time since I wrote. But Moses is 1 and wild and walking and the apple of all of our eyes. Sabine is half way through her last year of preschool. Penelope is half way to 3rd grade. When did that happen?

John finished his Master's program and I couldn't be prouder.

Life is a struggle and it feels cliche to say it has been a hard year because I feel like, as I get older, it's only natural that they will grow more difficult in ways. It sounds super morbid, I know. And that's not how I mean it. I just mean...let's not be redundant and let's just agree that there are going to be hard elements to every year because that's part of being an adult.

But some things just seem hard-er. This year has had some of those moments too. The most recent of which was having a miscarriage - on my birthday. It almost makes me laugh to say it. And then cry. It's so bizarre, it can't be true. But it is. It was.

And yet. 

AND YET. Here I am. Alive. And my heart is brighter than I could have ever imagined. I KNOW my angels are praying for me. That is the evidence right there. I have more to write on that; much more. But not now. It's late. And that would take much more time and thought than I can afford to lose right now. I'm gearing up for 2 weeks with kids out of school. I need all the rest I can get.

On that note, I miss you, dear space and imaginary reader. I miss this little place and I haven't let go. Even when the posts are few and far in between. They still "mean more to me than so many somethings" (You've Got Mail quote). The words are ever churning, my fingers always ghost typing in my mind the words I would say. And say it I must. Or an emptiness resides in its place and nobody has time for that. I have experienced enough emptiness. So, here is to 2020, to this little Leap Year Blog of mine, to more written word. To more producing and creating, even if it's all a failure. Because even failure is the necessary precursor to success. Golly, that was deep.