Culturally Thick

I don't always catch onto things. Those shows where people get pranked usually instill a solid layer of anxiety in me because I can see it going one of two ways: Either I'd never catch on (someone would probably get beaten to death if it was something scary because I just don't mess around) and get totally duped or it would be a real crisis situation and I'd think it was fake. Either way, this has always been an area of insecurity for me because it has made me question myself. Being culturally other has its way of making you feel like a moron at times. Any time something happens and I don't catch on, I sit there wondering what my deal is.
Then it hit me. I've been conditioned to have a delayed reaction to things for 2 reasons: 1. American pop culture. Yeah. I have a large chunk of American pop culture references missing because I just wasn't here (*cough*anditdoesn'tmatter*cough*)...so a lot of things people refer to aren't anything I'm familiar with which pushes me to nod knowingly all while having no clue (no matter how many times you assure me I do). And 2. Because, in other countries, almost everything goes and being faced with oddities is a daily occurrence.
Let me explain...
If you've done your share of traveling and have had somewhat authentic experiences and have strayed AWAY from the resorts etc. to experience real culture, you may already know what I mean. There is a mental code of what is normal where you are from. You aren't aware of it but it is always engaged. And you believe it is the norm. Until you encounter something that flips it upside down, shattering all your preconceived notions about what is "common sense" (because you truly have no idea how privileged you are to simply grow up being trained to look both ways before crossing a street from infancy, among other things). Trust me, there are so many things that happen overseas and no one bats an eye because of a legitimate cultural difference. But you alone find yourself left there, thoroughly thrown for a loop.
Example: Bats are a sign of good luck in China. Yes. Bats. As in bats, the winged animal. So, what you'd only find on Halloween decorations in the states, you will find on wedding invitations, home decor, new years cards, etc. in China. Ornate wood carvings adorning the ceilings of 200+ year old historic homes! You don't even see them until you can't not see them. Bats, bats, bats.
That's a small example. But what happens is those of us who have experience with being faced with something out of the ordinary on a regular basis is we remain quiet while our mind goes in overdrive trying to process and make sense of it.
A good example of language troubles is this post. Read it. I almost cried laughing.
The backfire is we end up doing this when something is an actual joke and then we feel and seem super gullible. We're not. We've just been faced with enough Man Wife Ox Lung situations to think twice before reacting as we might naturally be inclined to do. Add a language barrier and you've got a whole nother layer of "very delight and splendid."
Yeah. We are so culturally messed up and you probably weren't even aware such a condition existed.
I think part of it is...we who have experienced all of this...we understand what it is to not only feel foolish but look foolish on a regular basis. To have an understanding that acting foolishly without meaning to is just a given in day-to-day life. Both overseas and in our "home" (but no longer really home) culture. We learn to hate pop-culture-reference games like Cranium (because pop-culture-reference games are no fun without the pop culture...waahhh waahhhhhhh). We learn to tread lightly because we've been there. It just comes with learning a second language and subsequent culture. While most people play it cool, we are trying to mentally translate before acting and compartmentalizing everything. Hopefully, before acting like a fool.
We know what it's like to lick a stamp repeatedly and ragefully try to stick it to an envelope...only to find that they invented individual sticker stamps while we were gone the past 2 years overseas.
We know what it's like to unknowingly mentally switch into a different language and tell a waitress you don't want mustard on your sandwich...but "don't want" sounds like "mayo" in Chinese so you end up with not only mustard but also mayo. And you just can't quite figure out how! Or why. You thought you were speaking English!
We know how it feels to get major anxiety when ordering anything in America because Americans are sloppy, uncourteous (it's true) speakers and super hard to understand after living in a slow-English or rapid-fire-Chinese existence. And gum. Don't forget about gum.
We know how it feels to have your uncultured American relatives (not all but some) laugh and think you're sheltered and hilarious for going through culture shock (because what's funnier than anxiety, panic, depression, loss of identity, and gut-wrenching sorrow?)...
We know how it feels to be told by someone uncultured that they'd rather die than come visit the country that has become home to you because they couldn't give up their American luxuries...but their Walmart isn't 3 floors and doesn't have a full butcher (not just deli but BUTCHER) department and you miss having a cellphone bill that wasn't a rip off. Just sayin'!
We know how it feels to cross major roads on foot without looking because it's more dangerous to make eye-contact with drivers in many places overseas. It's like a homing beacon...
We know how it feels to literally have to fight tooth and nail to get on a bus, throwing elbows and arm-blocking people (not exaggerating) because, if you didn't, you'd get a black eye from the 100+ others fighting the exact same fight for the exact same standing room. (I'm telling you, if there is a zombie apocalypse, I AM READY. And jumpy.)
We know how it feels to see a single bicycle carrying a house-sized (SIZE OF AN ACTUAL HOUSE) load of styrofoam over a highway overpass. SINGLE BIKE.
We know how it feels to be struggling to change into or out of a swimsuit semi-modestly in a large, open swimming pool locker room (no, there are no bathroom stalls or changing rooms...at all) while EVERYONE gawks at YOU while THEY are ALL in the nude. And a woman wearing nothing but heels carries her locker key to an attendant to collect her belongings. And somehow, it's supposed to be completely normal.
We know how it feels to pass someone walking on the sidewalk pushing an IV drip. Just going for a stroll. You know, with my IV drip. In public. For my cold. Wearing my pajamas. Or in some poor child's head. True story. Over and over and over.
We know how it feels to hear "It's a Small World" or "Happy Birthday" or "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" blaring down the street and running for cover (or biking like mad) because the water truck is spraying everything from chest level down. And by "spray," I mean a torrential blast. We also know how it feels to have been caught off guard by said water truck.
I could go on and on and on like this blog post.
The gist of it is, I still find myself questioning what the heck is going on. Even without the water trucks and nudity and bats. Even after 14 years in my "motherland" culture. And I don't think I'll ever quit. Even with the anxiety and identity struggles, my life has been the most interesting story I know. And as the Beatles say, "It's getting better all the time."