Done

I believe everything is starting to make some sense. But that doesn't make change easy.
I've struggled with will-power for some time now. A part of me just feels broken and simply doesn't care anymore. Which is horrible. I don't want to remain this way.
How do I remind my WILL what I am fighting for? Mind over matter is so easy to say but not easy to actually do. Especially when the old good habits have been in hibernation for so long.
One thing triggered a wake up moment today. A post on Facebook about Huntington's, the disease. It said it is like having ALS, Alsheimer's, and Parkinson's simultaneously. Which is pretty chilling. Well, it's not something I talk much about but Huntington's runs in my family on my side. And I was reminded that that used to be one of the things that fueled my pursuit of healthy living. I don't know what the future holds but I want a fighting chance (like kick in the balls fighting) to live a long, full, healthy life no matter what exists in my family history. I want strength. I want balance. I want to defeat sickness and to thrive. And ignoring this doesn't make it go away, whether it manifests itself in me or not. Watching my Dad struggle with it is enough. I pray there will be a cure in my life time. But until that is discovered, I have to BE the cure. And to do that, I have to make healthy habits again. Enough is enough.
The military has robbed me of my husband and my kids' father; it has robbed me of my sanity and my will to keep going or even care about myself (true story, as sad as it is). It has limited me...while also helping me to grow, to fight back and not accept a future set in front of me. It will no longer rob me of my future of things it took in my past. I will not let this break my will any more.