Laying it all out...THERE

It should be no mystery that my family is known for its inability to deal with medical things. I long believed this trait was solely from my dad's side but have learned (humorously) that it runs on both sides...strong. And there are two doctors on my dad's side. How that works out, I don't know. One of my grandpas had to practice giving himself shots and taking his own blood in med school so he could get over his phobia. So...what I'm trying to say is we all faint a fair amount. Let me provide a few examples.
My grandpa passed out while getting fitted for his false teeth.
My aunt passed out in anticipation of a puff of air to check something during her vision test.
My mom passed out when she lost her first tooth.
My brother passed out in church.
I passed out at the veterinary clinic.
My dad...when has my dad not passed out.
I could go on. And on...and on. Now...there are detailed stories behind each of these instances. They all have a reason...we don't just randomly collapse on the floor. It was brought on by something. And we all faint differently. My mom and I are gentle fainters; we glide to the floor gracefully without causing much of a fuss. My brother and dad, on the other hand, take down everything in their path. Including their own faces, if necessary (you laugh but I guarantee it's not fun).
My poor unfortunate husband has married into this family without a single fainting spell to his name. I'm sure he thinks we're all insane. And if he doesn't yet, he will...just wait until Penelope grows a little older.
Fainting is not fun. They make it look all funny in the movies and we can sit around and laugh about it as a family...but while it's happening it's kind of scary. Several times my dad has been taken to the ER because we weren't sure if he'd fainted or stopped breathing. Yes. They are actually that hard to distinguish when it comes to him. I've had a grand total of 3 fainting spells where I've come-to and had no idea where I was or who I was with. If you know how paranoid I can be, you can appreciate the horror of this.
My mom always told me when I had babies I would get over it. I really believed it was true. I gave birth naturally and had only a mild painkiller near the middle. I was sure if there was a time to faint...it would be then. But I think adrenaline helped. So I came out of there feeling pretty invincible. First doc appointment where I had to give blood and I did it sitting up. I NEVER sit up. I survived and I told myself, "Self, you are officially cured. No more laying down blood tests for you!!"

Wrong.

 Today marks my worst fainting experience to date. I haven't been that humiliated in quite awhile. We're talking...top 5 most embarrassing moments? In the top 3 maybe? I just went to my car afterward and cried. Later, while venting to my parents and laughing with them about how ridiculous we all can be, I couldn't help but wonder what God was thinking when he married two families with this issue...TOGETHER...to combine their phobia of blood and needles into one human being: me (my brother doesn't seem quite as bad). WHY?? After I audibly asked this question and my dad replied with, "Well I'm glad you're different," I realized I agreed. Sure, I had a horrible day. Sure, it was a crappy experience. But there are other things in life that I'm NOT afraid of that most people are. And the truth is I'm not *afraid* of any of this...but my body is. It's an involuntary reaction I can't control. It's not like I'm sitting there having a panic attack (although I did panic in those moments as a child). Now, I'm simply sitting there...while I lose control of my body. Sure...that's really weird and humiliating at times and sure, I get crap from phlebotomy techs for asking to lie down (I wanted to have a picture of today as a reference for future complaints so I could hold it up and say, "Okay...we can do this one of two ways...either you take my advice and let me lie down...or you can potentially deal with this and spend the next 20 minutes scooping me off the floor, making sure I don't hurt myself on my way out, and then calling me in an hour because you're worried you'd be partially responsible if I got in a car wreck..."(true story)). Those things are annoying...but my true strength has been tested and came out with a more than passing grade. It's embarrassing to write all of this...but it's part of who I am. And it's okay. I won't apologize for it.
I can flipping deliver babies without an epidural, people. I can get tattooed for hours on end without flinching. Don't cross me. Because you just might be surprised. (...but if you're armed with a bloody needle, I might faint...)

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