French Pressed
I had an exciting weekend, did you? But I just exhaustively wrote out my thoughts concerning it here. So...go there to read about it.
Right now I'm putting off homework, sipping a delicious french press cup of coffee in a coffee shop with my sweetheart, while watching some spambot spam the crap out of my website for my art rwartworks.com. Yep. That's my morning. It sounds unentertaining but believe it or not...today is a very good day. The sun is shining, my girl is in preschool, I have counseling later today and great things are on the horizon. I'm not even sure what! But I feel like I've crossed a treacherous bridge with my eyes closed, only to feel my feet arrive on solid ground.
I went to a Beth Moore Simulcast. I didn't know what to expect and had to arrive late. I almost didn't go because I didn't feel good and had prior commitments in the morning. But I went for the second half. And wow. I can't even begin to explain how deep it hit me.
It's been a HARD past few months. The deployment was ROUGH, as I've said. But having John home didn't eliminate all the hardship. As wonderful as it is having him back, it didn't just make all the issues I was struggling with vanish. And I've had a hard time identifying what exactly I'm dealing with...other than the fact I'm SO FREAKING. ANGRY. ALL. THE. TIME. Bipolar even entered my mind but I know that isn't it. What it comes down to is this:
I'm tired. I'm tired of looking at my family and marriage and seeing contradictions in what God designed for marriage and family. And those contradictions are all rooted in our military lifestyle. It's like I'm being pulled in two directions at all times and I'm demanded to have two completely polar identities at once. But they can't coexist. I don't know how they can. The mold has to break.
It's been cleansing bringing this to the surface and discussing it and brainstorming and dreaming and laughing and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. It's been hard but I'm on the solid ground.
So what now? Well...there's still a road ahead of us that's totally veiled. NO idea what happens next. But I feel like I'm doing the right things to survive, to thrive, to be renewed and be the best I can.
Sometimes you have to just have time for yourself. Sometimes you have to suck up something difficult for the sake of growth. Sometimes you have to blow off homework for a good, long, well thought-out blog post. And a cup of french press.
I'm so proud of my husband. So proud of how much he helps me despite not being able to carry much of anything or bear weight on his leg. So proud of all the energy and time he has put into me and our marriage. So proud of all he's done to analyze the future and seek out what God is saying to him. And I'm so proud of how much he has changed over the 5 months he was gone. God grew him in our absence and I'm, as always, as I've been since we first met, in awe of how perfectly God orchestrates for those who trust (or struggle to trust) Him.
Today is a good day. And it's not even 11am yet.
Right now I'm putting off homework, sipping a delicious french press cup of coffee in a coffee shop with my sweetheart, while watching some spambot spam the crap out of my website for my art rwartworks.com. Yep. That's my morning. It sounds unentertaining but believe it or not...today is a very good day. The sun is shining, my girl is in preschool, I have counseling later today and great things are on the horizon. I'm not even sure what! But I feel like I've crossed a treacherous bridge with my eyes closed, only to feel my feet arrive on solid ground.
I went to a Beth Moore Simulcast. I didn't know what to expect and had to arrive late. I almost didn't go because I didn't feel good and had prior commitments in the morning. But I went for the second half. And wow. I can't even begin to explain how deep it hit me.
It's been a HARD past few months. The deployment was ROUGH, as I've said. But having John home didn't eliminate all the hardship. As wonderful as it is having him back, it didn't just make all the issues I was struggling with vanish. And I've had a hard time identifying what exactly I'm dealing with...other than the fact I'm SO FREAKING. ANGRY. ALL. THE. TIME. Bipolar even entered my mind but I know that isn't it. What it comes down to is this:
I'm tired. I'm tired of looking at my family and marriage and seeing contradictions in what God designed for marriage and family. And those contradictions are all rooted in our military lifestyle. It's like I'm being pulled in two directions at all times and I'm demanded to have two completely polar identities at once. But they can't coexist. I don't know how they can. The mold has to break.
It's been cleansing bringing this to the surface and discussing it and brainstorming and dreaming and laughing and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. It's been hard but I'm on the solid ground.
So what now? Well...there's still a road ahead of us that's totally veiled. NO idea what happens next. But I feel like I'm doing the right things to survive, to thrive, to be renewed and be the best I can.
Sometimes you have to just have time for yourself. Sometimes you have to suck up something difficult for the sake of growth. Sometimes you have to blow off homework for a good, long, well thought-out blog post. And a cup of french press.
I'm so proud of my husband. So proud of how much he helps me despite not being able to carry much of anything or bear weight on his leg. So proud of all the energy and time he has put into me and our marriage. So proud of all he's done to analyze the future and seek out what God is saying to him. And I'm so proud of how much he has changed over the 5 months he was gone. God grew him in our absence and I'm, as always, as I've been since we first met, in awe of how perfectly God orchestrates for those who trust (or struggle to trust) Him.
Today is a good day. And it's not even 11am yet.
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