Paint New

It's been an emotional week. Not entirely in the bad way but there were definitely some bad moments. I'm still in this funky kind of...well...funk. That's the only way to put it. I just feel like sitting here and pondering. There is much to think about. Thankfully I have girlfriends to go out with later on.
It's interesting how you get this picture in your head of your life. And you slowly add the things that mean something to you, the things that are just a part of you, and the things that happen without you meaning for them to. The story of your life. And then...you realize you forgot to include fundamental things that you can't escape. Things...un-ignorable things. And there you are left trying to find space in your overcrowded painting of life when you realize...does any of this crap really matter? Is this what makes up my life? Really? You have the itching desire to scrape off the paint and start over. Maybe that's exactly what you should do. Change your perspective. Start fresh. Paint new.
I have a secret that isn't a secret. People know but only some. It's the sort of information I don't share freely because it can be easily misunderstood, misread, misconstrued. I've always been afraid to blog about it. For a variety of reasons. I guess afraid isn't the right word. Cautioned? That works. In fact, I think I HAVE blogged about it before but have left it nameless. I'm not entirely sure but it wouldn't surprise me at all. It's a large part of me. It follows me everywhere I go. Sometimes it catches up better than other times. Other times I scoff at it from a distance. Lately, it's been a hot topic of conversation and it's just made breathing a little labored, swallowing a little harder to manage. But I'm getting over it. And realizing there's so much more to life. And this won't drag me down. I choose to fight with SPIRIT. I had a revelation last night. A reminder of the truth I've known for so long but don't always live by. I want that to change. God is my ONLY hope.

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